Wow, worlds worst blogger officially goes to me. I cannot believe I haven’t written a post since March 2018! It literally feels like yesterday I decided to start my own blog and I feel super disappointed in myself for not keeping it up. So I thought what better time to start it back up again than the new year.
So, after reading the last post I wrote, SO much has changed its unbelievable. I got a job yaaaaaay me, which I started in May of 2018 and I absolutely love it! It’s a retail job which I’m actually really surprised that 1. I even got it as I’ve never worked specifically in retail before and 2. That I actually love it! I’ve heard so many horror stories about retail jobs but as my last post clearly states I was desperate for any job and thought I might as well apply for something I’ve not done before and in all honestly like I said I didn’t think I’d even get a response let alone get the job! So yeah, that aspect of my life is good now.
Then there was uni. Gosh where to even begin. So as I stated, I was unhappy with the course I was on which was true and when the time came to seriously think about what I was going to do for my third year I made the decision to change to something completely different and lets just say it’s not been easy. I obviously knew it was going to be hard and I did want it to be harder as well, I really felt like I wasn’t pushing myself in the last two years at uni and isn’t that what uni is supposed to do, push you? Well I fully did not feel pushed at all so I made the decision and moved over to Business. So there I am, ready to kill my third year, excited, nervous, just ready too finish to start my life properly. And at first everything was ok, I felt like the work was doable, and I was doing it to the best of my ability, and then the first hit happened.
So one of my assignments was this E-debate that I really wasn’t too worried about. I wrote my first point and then a couple of days later someone replies to my point and completely and utterly rips me apart. He went in brutally and made me feel like the biggest idiot ever. It’s safe to say that was the starting point of the worst 2 weeks of my life (yes I know that sounds dramatic but its honestly true). Then, just as I’m getting over that I get the first grade back and I didn’t do as well as I expected so I felt a little down and then annoyingly I do this stupid thing where I compare myself to others and a couple of girls I’m friends with at Uni did much better than me so I instantly fell down this horrible whole of self doubt and embarrassment. 1,2,3 days go by and I am still in this awful headspace, I was having sleepless nights, constant crying and just an overall feeling of being a failure.
Fast forward a few weeks and the pain is still there but I’m over it (kind of) just gradually thinking less and less about it. And now the Christmas break is over, I have a few more weeks to finish up the Methodology section of my dissertation before I go back for my second and LAST SEMESTER HOLYYYY CRAP. I have never been more excited to finish something in my life! I have enjoyed aspects of uni but boyyyy am I ready to leave. So I get the next few grades back at the end of January and I am really going to try and not be too hard on myself. I have made a resolution to accept my abilities and be proud that whatever I do and whatever mark I get I should be happy with as I always try my absolute best. I’m just going to smash out the last assignments and really try hard on getting my dissertation to the standard I want it at. Fingers crossed it all goes to plan!
Then theres weight loss! So ever since I can remember I’ve always been the ‘bigger’ girl. Growing up I’d hate it, then hate it even more going into my teens and then I had my first big super crush on this idiot arsehole and I managed to lose a lot of weight and got down to a size that I’d never been before. This was when I met my now boyfriend of 5 years and yep, you guessed it, 5 years of putting back on the weight and more, ALOT MORE. So not long after I started writing this blog, I decided to try slimming world again, for the 1000000 time and really gave it a go. I meal planned, went food shopping every Sunday, stuck to it and even started exercising (not a lot but anythings better than nothing!) So gradually, as time went on I started to lose more and more and now in January 2019 I would say I’ve lost about 3 stone which is such a major achievement for me as I hadn’t lost more than a stone in so long! My aim is to get down to what I was when I first met Cameron, so I’ve got another 2 stone to go and then I’d like to lose another stone and a half before my graduation and holiday in July which is doable if I just properly stick to it and go to the gym!
So there it is, my life update thus far. I really want to make more of an effort to write these blog posts as I feel it would be really good to read them back and reflect on what my life was at that moment in time and see if I’ve grown since then or my my case shrunk weight wise! A message to future Bella, keep your head up and don’t get distracted by what other people are doing, focus on yourself and being the best YOU YOU can be. It is good enough and you should be so proud of how far you’ve come.